Samples

At HarvardSqEssays.com, we pride ourselves on our high-quality service. Every order done by our team of Harvard-educated editors includes an in-depth critique of your original draft along with your edited essay. If you choose our popular Veritas Service, we also include a week of consultation with your editor, free of charge, as well as an additional second edit.

Prompt: Why do you want an MBA?
Original
Edited

My father greatly inspires me. His parents sacrificed so much so he could be the first in the family in college. He got an electrical engineering degree from [redacted] due to hard work and perseverance. Then he started his own company. This company is now one of the largest semiconductor suppliers in Zhejiang Province in China. His company makes products for automotive, wireless infrastructure, lighting, mobile, consumer electronics, and many more.

My father kept growing the company with his engineering education and technological understanding of manufacturing. Even when young I was impressed with his skill and leadership. He has always helped me in my education as well. He always says he wishes he had more education in business and economics to help the company grow. So he has helped me gain my education with a double degree of a BA in economics and a BS in electrical engineering.

I now have been working in China for our family company for two years where I manage the supply chain and work with the best vendors in our province to contract out work we previously did within the company. In this way, I have helped our company expand throughout China. Another issue I focus on is creating energy efficient products that are good for the environment. This is not common for Chinese businesses, but I think it is a trend to follow in the future for the long-term growth of the company.

These are the challenges I want to tackle with an MBA from HBS. I have heard that the case method is the best way to learn about real world problems so I am eager to try it. This experience will help me think of new ideas for our company. Also, by meeting other students both international and national we will be able to share our perspectives and work together. Best of all, we will have excellent professors in every field to guide us in our studies. I have read books by so many professors at HBS. My favorite is “The New Science of Retailing” by Ananth Raman which I read in my senior year. This incredible experience will prepare me to help our company grow internationally when I return to China with a broader worldview.

Start strong.

Begin with your thesis, the main thrust of your essay. Your admissions reader will be working through many essays very quickly, so be sure to make a good first impression.

Show, Don't Tell.

Before: He got an electrical engineering degree from [redacted] due to hard work and perseverance.

After: When he graduated from [redacted] with a degree in Electrical Engineering, instead of going to work for a major corporation, he decided that he would make his own path and start his own business.

Use Vivid Language.

Before: My father kept growing the company with his engineering education and technological understanding of manufacturing.

After: My father's initial success was based on his technical understanding and his ability to streamline manufacturing processes by using cutting edge technologies.

View More Samples.

See full-length samples to further understand our comprehensive revision process: